The Price of Time. A Novel By Dipjyoti Sharma Chapter 4
Chapter 4: First
Confession
Meera's Flat,
Shivaji Park — November 2019
He told her about the writing on a night in November
when the city was loud with Diwali preparations and the whole sky above Shivaji
Park was flickering. They were on her balcony. She had made filter coffee the
South Indian way, in the small steel tumbler-and-davara set that had been her
mother's, and it smelled like another era.
Arjun: "I submitted a
story to a magazine. Three months ago."
Meera: "What kind of
story?"
Arjun: "About a man who
runs a small shop and every day he tells himself tomorrow he'll do something
different and the story is just one of his days."
Meera: "Did they take
it?"
Arjun: "Yes. It comes
out in January."
She looked at him.
Meera: "Arjun.
That's—"
Arjun: "I haven't told
my father. He doesn't know I write."
Meera: "Why not?"
Arjun: "Because writing
is not a real thing in the Malhotra family. It's something people do when they
can't do real things."
Meera: "That's your
father's voice."
Arjun: "Yes. He's very
loud."
She was quiet a moment. Below them, someone was setting
off a string of crackers and the dogs in the lane were going mad.
Meera: "When Krishnan
was alive, I used to sketch buildings at night. Just for myself. Buildings that
no one would ever build, that existed only on paper. He used to say they were
better than my real work. I thought he was being kind. After he died, I found
that he had kept every one. Forty-seven sketches, in a folder in his
desk."
Arjun looked at her.
Meera: "The things we do
in the dark for ourselves are not the lesser things. Don't let your father's
voice convince you they are."
He looked away. His eyes were wet. He was twenty and
trying not to cry on a widow's balcony during Diwali, and the absurdity of the
situation was not lost on him, which made it worse.
Arjun: "Meera-ji—"
Meera: "Just Meera. You
don't need to —"
Arjun: "Meera. I want to
say something and I need you not to be—not to handle it. Not to manage it. Just
to hear it."
She set down her coffee.
Arjun: "I think about
you. All the time. Not the way—I know how it sounds. I know what you're going
to say. But I think about what you would say to things. I hear your voice when
I'm reading. I write better when I'm going to show it to you. That's—that's not
a client thing. That's not a—I don't know what it is. But I needed to say
it."
The fireworks cracked over Shivaji Park. The sky went
orange and white.
She sat with what he had said. She did not rush. This
was one of the things about her: she never processed important things quickly,
which most people experienced as coolness but which was actually the opposite,
the care of someone who understood that important things deserved the full
weight of attention.
Meera: "I hear you. I
need you to understand what I'm going to say, which is not a rejection and is
not an acceptance. It's the truth."
Arjun: "Okay."
Meera: "I am fifty years
old. I was married for nineteen years to a man I loved completely. I have a
daughter. I live in a building where every person knows my business. I am a
widow in a community that has very specific ideas about what widows should and
should not do. And I am—" she stopped. "I am not as untouched by what
you've said as I should be. That's my truth. But my truth also includes the
word 'should.' And 'should' is heavy. Understand?"
Arjun: "I understand the
words."
Meera: "But?"
Arjun: "But I think 'should'
is a word other people invented and put in your head. Not yours."
She looked at him for a long time.
Meera: "Go home, Arjun.
It's Diwali. Your family will be waiting."
He went. But they both knew, in the way that people know
things that have not yet been said aloud, that something had shifted. The
ground was different. Small, almost imperceptible. But different.
To be Continued .......................
Read the Previous Chapters
